Transgender fertility
I just saw an exciting article today about a transgender couple who are pregnant. In this case, it’s not the woman who is carrying the child but the man. He is pregnant because he has a uterus. I’m excited for them. This article gives me hope to see a young transgender couple be able to parent their own biological child. And, they did not share the sex of the baby. That’s for another post in the future but I support their decision. Congratulations to the happy couple!!
As a mother to a transgender child, it’s wonderful to imagine that my daughter could be a biological mother one day. Right now, transgender kids are taking blockers that stop their natural puberty from happening. The reason for this is to protect them from their body the wrong gender. In other words, I don’t want my daughter to look and sound like a man. I’ve always been following her lead just as professionals say to do. Being a girl is coming from her and is not because of me. I tell her that if she thought she was really a boy inside that would be okay also, but, we’ve been on this journey long enough to know that this is who she is.
Gender professionals tell parents that we need to follow their child’s lead regarding gender. If your child comes to you and tells you that they are not their sex assigned at birth, you must listen. I didn’t say-have no feelings, because I had many at the beginning. Ask them questions like:
What do you need to feel yourself?
Do you need new clothes or hair style?
Do you want to change your name or pronouns?
As the child figures this out, you are there to support and guide them. And, you don’t have to ask them this at 100 miles per hour either. And then, listen to them. They told you who they are because they feel safe with you. Honor that.
I came to accept that I had a daughter, but it doesn’t mean it was easy. This journey of acceptance was hard for me. I kept thinking that I had a boy, but, she really was a girl inside. I had to let go of my preconceived notions about my gender expectations for her. I was raised within the gender binary. I didn’t understand about being transgender but I researched and spoke with parents and knowledgeable professionals. On this journey, I’ve met parents who are able to put their children’s needs. I will support my daughter because I have unconditional love for her. But, as a mom, I also had to give up on the expectation that she would be a biological parent. She may be interested in having children but it’s okay if she doesn’t. I love her either way because she’s my child. She can still be in my family and be herself. She can decide to foster, adopt or get a surrogate. Or she can be with someone that can have the baby instead of her. This possibility has been shared with me twice in the last month. This brings me hope for her and our family.
There also have been more than 100 uterus transplants worldwide to date. For some cisgender people, this is a current option. Maybe in the future that could be done with transgender women and maybe it will be covered by insurance. Maybe this surgery could be for my daughter and I hope that this becomes a possibility. This could be a wonderful option for her if that is what she wants. Ultimately, whatever makes her happy is fine with me. I would love for her to have options and to be able to create a family if that’s what she wants.