Charlize Theron
Charlize Theron shares how she knew her 3-year-old was Transgender. “The Oscar winner says of her daughter Jackson: “I thought she was a boy, too.” Speaking to The Daily Mail about the rumors and confusion surrounding her child, Theron said briskly: “Yes, I thought she was a boy, too.” But then, Jackson corrected her mother. And from then on out, the actress has raised her eldest child as a girl.
“[My kids] were born who they are and exactly where in the world both of them get to find themselves as they grow up, and who they want to be is not for me to decide,” she explained. Charlize talked about her transgender daughter. She talked about how this identity is coming from her daughter. She listened to her daughter when she said she was a girl. And, she knew enough to believe her. I’m sure that Charlize went through what all new parents go through. She thought she had a boy and had certain ideas of what that meant for her child and family. Then, she found out about her child being a girl and had to do some self-reflection to realize that she would support her child no matter what. She followed her child’s lead, just as professionals say to do.
Our children are precious. They come to us under all different circumstances and with various genetic makeup. Some have brown hair and others have black. Some have brown eyes and others have hazel. We love them for being a part of us and understand that our love is unconditional. We love our children no matter what and we have to follow their lead. They know who they are.
Some people get uncomfortable talking about gender identity, especially in young children. I get the impression that they are thinking that they are talking about sexual orientation. Gender identity is not the same as sexual orientation. Gender identity is about who a person is, not who they like. It’s who a person knows themselves to be inside rather than who others think they are. When a child knows who they are inside and they share that, believe them. Show them that you support them. This is not the same as sexual orientation. It is not about who they like but about who they are. It’s about who their brain and heart tell them they are. We are not talking about sex and children. We are talking about gender identity and they can know as young as 2-5 years old.
As a child, I was given a different understanding about gender. Boys like trucks and cars. Girls like to dress up. These and lots of other stereotypes are cultural. In certain cultures, boys wear pants and girls wear skirts only. If a girl was wearing pants in that culture she would be gender non-conforming. Years ago, boys were supposed to like pink and girls blue. Pink was seen as a strong masculine color and blue was seen as gentle and sweet. Today it’s the opposite. There are lots of rules that are not necessarily true and fear stops us from thinking about them until your child tells you that they are a different gender than you thought.
When that happened to me and my daughter told me she was a girl, I started re-evaluating everything that I was taught about girls and boys. Girls were supposed to get married and have children. Boys were supposed to be working at a good job. Women were supposed to cook and bake at home. I know these are generalizations but these ideas are still a part of our culture. We think that blue is for boys and pink is for girls. We think that girls are supposed to like makeup and boys don’t. When a father is seen holding an infant, he’s seen as amazing. When a woman does the same thing, it’s not commented on. There are many other examples.
Believe your children and follow their lead. Ask them what they need to be themselves. Maybe they need a new name, new clothes, a haircut or new pronoun. The message that you need to convey is ”You can’t do anything to make me stop loving you.” Your child needs your full support in a world that is not always kind. Be that to them even though it may challenge you and your vision of the world. As Charlize added, “My job as a parent is to celebrate them and to love them and to make sure that they have everything they need in order to be what they want to be. And I will do everything in my power for my kids to have that right and to be protected within that.” Thank you Charlize! I hope one day that this is the norm and not the exception.