Jamie Lee Curtis and Ruby
I love Jamie Lee Curtis as an actress and, more recently, a children’s book author. In fact, I have many of her books on my shelves that I love to read to my kids. When I heard that her daughter came out as transgender, I was happy to see another celebrity creating space for parents with transgender kids. She was sharing the message that she doesn’t understand everything about transgender ideas. She forgets to use her daughter’s new name or pronouns sometimes but she loves her daughter unconditionally. I love her message. When your child is brave enough to share their truth with you, you don’t need to know everything.
Years ago, I didn’t understand about gender diversity. I didn’t understand but I supported my daughter for being herself. The message that you can share with your child is that simple and powerful. “You can be yourself with me. I am here to support and love you just the way you are. I will do my best to use your new name and pronoun. If I mess up, I want you to know that I will self-correct but know that I am with you on this journey. We’re in this together.” Now, of course, you need to put it into your own words if that doesn’t feel like you but the message is one of love and acceptance, and that you may make mistakes but you are with them.
Like Jamie, I didn’t understand anything about being transgender. But, as I educated myself, I learned from professionals to follow their lead. From parents I learned how important it is for their kids’ mental health to be themselves and to support their children unconditionally. They didn’t tell their child to wait to be themselves when the parents were ready. They didn’t say to them that it was just a phase they would outgrow. They said we love you unconditionally. Now, the timing on this journey may be different for each person. But, the message your child wants to hear is that they will not lose you or your love. If you are waiting to be ready, you never will be but its not about you. It’s about your child being themselves. Why? Isn’t their mental health important to you? This seriously impacts mental health.
My child is one of the bravest people I know. She shared her truth with me while we were on vacation. I really had no idea what it meant at that time but I said Okay. I knew that it was big but didn’t realize what was involved with that acceptance. I knew that I loved my daughter unconditionally and wanted her to know that I accepted her as herself.
You don’t need to know everything. You can educate yourself by speaking with other parents or knowledgeable professionals. You don’t have to have all the answers or ask your child a million questions like I did. Create a space for them to figure it out. They have probably waited for the right time to tell you. They waited with baited breath whether you accept them. They may not have told you until they were ready. And, so, it’s really their journey. Support them and love them. Be kind to yourself during this time of transition. They may have known this for some time but you just found out. It’s okay to make mistakes but you must make an effort. I know you got this Jamie but I’m here to support you.
Here’s a recent article about this:
https://amp.toofab.com/2021/10/20/jamie-lee-curtis-on-daughter-ruby-coming-out-as-trans/